Holding nothing back…

Am I the only fat person I know NOT having WLS?

Posted on: January 19, 2009

Saturday night, DH and I went over to a friend’s house for a cookout. It was just us, friend, his girlfriend, his brother, and his brother’s girlfriend: three couples.

There was TONS of food: bacon wrapped, bbq-sauced, grilled mushrooms for appetizers; chicken breasts drenched in bbq sauce, grilled kielbasa, hamburgers, chips, dips, potato salad, etc. You get the idea. Three couples, but enough food for 10 couples.

After a nice visit around the grill while everything was cooking, we went inside to eat. I notice that the other two women BARELY touch their plates. I mean BARELY: maybe 1 of the mushroom appetizers (which were HELLA GOOD) 2 bites of their hamburgers, a bite or two of potato salad, and maybe three chips each. I’m not kidding! And I’m not the only one that noticed. DH noticed. Friend noticed because he asked if something was wrong with the food.

Turns out, there was nothing wrong with the food. Friend’s Girlfriend has had the lapband surgery, and Friend’s Brother’s Girlfriend has had gastric bypass. Oy vey. I was the only woman there that hadn’t had WLS.

Later in the evening, we were playing a game, and somehow or another, the subject of weight came up (why am I not surprised?); and I said something (non-depricating) about weighing 200 lbs. INSTANTLY, everyone in the room but DH (who knows better) starts in with the “compliments.”

“Well, you sure don’t LOOK like you weigh 200 lbs!”

“Wish I had looked that good at 200!”

“Yeah, but you carry it well.”

Yada.

Yada.

Fucking yada.

Then the subject turned to how much more weight these two BEAUTIFUL (just as they were) women had to lose, and then they looked at me expectantly. Like I’m supposed to chime in with how much weight I want to lose. You should have seen the looks of shock on their faces when I said that I am actually looking for a personal trainer that understands that I don’t give a flying fig if I ever lose a stinking OUNCE, much less several dozen pounds, I just want to be strong(er than I am now), flexible, and build some endurance. After staring at me in shocked, wide-eyed silence for a moment they start in with:

“But you’re so pretty! You’d be GORGEOUS if you lost a few pounds!”

Fuck you! I’m already gorgeous, thankyouverymuch.

“As good as you look now, you probably wouldn’t have to lose MUCH.”

I don’t have to lose anything to look good. You said yourself I look good right where I am.

“I wish I had your confidence.”

Honey, I didn’t always. This level of confidence and comfort with my body has been hard-won and only come RECENTLY.

WHY do conversations with other women always seem to devolve into Weight Watcher’s meetings? Discussions about current weight, pounds lost, pounds to go, calories and how to restrict them, fat grams and how to restrict them, good foods/bad foods, yada yada boringfuckingyada. I’ve worked too long and too hard to finally accept myself as I am, where I am. I have absolutely no desire to join into a bitchfest about my body and how HORRIBLE it is. Even if we restrict ourselves to discussing things that happen in our own homes (no world or national politics, no celebitchy gossip, etc.), there are so many MORE interesting things to discuss! Shit, we could discuss SOAP OPERAs and it would have been more productive and interesting!

To their credit, it didn’t take either woman too terribly long (maybe about 15 minutes) to realize that I wasn’t going to join in on the WW meeting and that it was boring me half to death and allow me to change the subject. I don’t know that I could have taken much more.

And most of my women friends wonder why the hell I prefer to hang out in the garage with the men! At least THEIR conversations aren’t impromptu Weight Watcher’s meetings.

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6 Responses to "Am I the only fat person I know NOT having WLS?"

Amen to hanging out in the garage with the men to avoid the diet talk! I hate to tell your friends this, but their WLS isn’t a guarantee that they’ll keep off all those pounds they’re so proud of losing (been there done that and am fatter than before my WLS, just like with diets, surprise, surprise). I didn’t have mine because I wanted to look better, I had mine because my nurse practitioner told me I wouldn’t be able to get a knee replacement as fat as I was (arthritis in my knees from the age of 34). I later found out that she was either lying or badly misinformed. I really hope they don’t end up with complications, because the complications are much worse than being fat, not to mention that those complications can be much more deadly.

OMG, you need new friends! Not all women are so completely self-absorbed with their looks, some actually have lives, brains and interests. Hint: they probably don’t watch Oprah.

That food sounded yummy… I’d have grabbed a beer and headed out to the garage with the guys, too!

It’s good that you know what goals you want to accomplish. That is strength and flexibility. As a bi-product of those two, weight loss will eventually happen. As a fitness professional, I commend you at going about this the right way. Most people just want to lose the weight but do not understand that increase of strength and flexibility are necessary for this to happen.

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Vesta, I hear ya on WLS not being a guarantee. Had I known either of these women BEFORE their surgeries, I would have filled them in on my 2 aunts and my cousin’s results (gained most, if not all, of their lost weight back within 3 years) and their side effects.

Sandy, I didn’t pick the members of this group. DH’s friend (the host) did. This was the first time I met the brother and his girlfriend, and only the second time I’ve hung out with the friend’s girlfriend.

Dallas, Like I said… Not worried about the weight. Truly couldn’t care less about it anymore. I figure that if I take care of my body, my body will take care of me no matter what size it is. And that’s good enough for me. =c)

While I think that these women had no right to say those things to you and I am apalled that they did, I feel a tad uncomfortable with the criticism of how much (or how little) they ate. We don’t like people making comment on how much we do/don’t eat so I think the courtesy should be extended to others. If they ate an appetizer, a few bites of burger, some potato salad and some chips then that sounds like a reasonable amount for someone to eat at a meal. It isn’t a lot by any means but it isn’t a teeny tiny amount either. Each to their own as far as how much they eat. (I understand they could only eat a small amount because of their surgery but that is really not the point).

Bri, it was a TRULY TINY amount. And it was strictly because of their surgeries. Had they truly NOT been hungry (with a non-mutilated stomach), I wouldn’t have said a word or thought twice. The ONLY people I’ve seen eat that little in a meal were people that had WLS. Seriously, my “featherweight” 9-year-old (the one whose pediatrician is always commenting on her being slightly underweight) eats more than that, and sometimes I worry that SHE doesn’t eat enough!

They obviously *wanted* to eat more because of the amount of food they put on their plates originally, but they COULDN’T eat it because of their WLS. And it’s not like they put huge amounts on their plates! It was, I thought, a fairly reasonable amount. Less than the men or I was eating, but reasonable.

Sorry if I offend, but I stand behind my assessment. ESPECIALLY with the “Weight Watchers meeting” that happened afterwards.

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