Holding nothing back…

Body acceptance…

Posted on: September 3, 2008

… You’re doing it wrong.

http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/full-episodes/how-to-look-good-naked/video/season-2/episode-6/1753282745/1755342564

Unfortunately, Lifetime won’t let me embed video…  The link takes you to part of an episode of How to Look Good Naked with Carson Kressley.  Before I fuss at him, let me just say that I absolutely LOVE Carson and what he’s trying to do with this show.  Most of the time, he gets it right.  This episode, however, he just happened to hit on one of my triggers. 

I’m sure it will sound petty to some.  I don’t care.  I hold Carson to a higher standard because he is doing a show about body acceptance. 

During the segment where Carson has her tell him what she sees in the mirror (and the women always focus on what they see wrong with their bodies), and then Carson tells her what he sees that is good…  Carson points out to her that she has a beautiful neckline.  What was triggering to me was that he commented “You don’t have any double chins going on…”  Oy.

As a teen, I was anorexic.  And yet, even though otherwise I was so scary skinny that everyone noticed and was worried about me, I still had a double chin!  It was that double chin that made me think I was still fat even though it was the only place on my body WITH any fat.  When I looked in the mirror or at pictures of myself, all I could see was that double chin.  I didn’t see the fact that I had lost my breasts, or that my stomach was concave, or that my cheekbones were so sharp they looked like they could cut glass.  I saw that double chin that I hated so much I was literally starving myself trying to get rid of it.

When Carson commented to this woman that she had no double chin, my hand immediately went to mine.  Immediately, I was once again wishing I had the money for plastic surgery to make that hated double chin go away.  For the first time in a long time, I felt fat and unattractive and like something was desperately wrong with me.  =c(  Suddenly, I was thinking about all the things I feel are WRONG with my body instead of all the things that are RIGHT.  I considered calling Jenny.  I considered throwing out everything in my house that was sweet or carbolicious.  I actually found myself racking my brain for the tricks I used to avoid eating so many years ago when I was anorexic.

How do y’all deal with it when something triggers your body loathing like this?  How do you get past it and get back to loving yourself and your body and stop thinking about dieting and “good” food/”bad” food and and and?

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3 Responses to "Body acceptance…"

One thing that helps me with the double chin thing is remembering the men who have told me how cute a double chin is. On the one hand I hate the idea that I’m basing my standard of attractiveness on what others think of me; on the other hand it does help to remind me that beauty is a matter of personal opinion and that “popular” standards of beauty are not shared by many people.

The other thing is to remind myself of the part of my body I *do* like–for example, my hips–and how if I tried to lose weight because I wanted to get rid of my stomach, or my double chin, I would lose my hips as well.

Prior to meditation and controlling my carb intake, my ’emotions’ often led me to pigging out until I was sick.

And this is coming from
1. A guy
2. A personal trainer

The carb control got my hormones (insulin/glucagon) under control and the meditation got rid of those stupid thoughts.

I just blogged about this yesterday, as it happens- this dissatisfaction… Generally I see myself as a whole person: brains, personality, humour, face as well as body. But at times I see myself as a sum of bodily parts.

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