Holding nothing back…

Medical crap

Posted on: August 14, 2008

Ok, I’ve hinted that I’ve got some medical crap going on.  I guess it’s time to reveal it, because it is all I can think about for the past couple of weeks.

I went and had my yearly gynecological torture a couple of weeks ago (translation:  pap).  The results weren’t good.  I have “high level dysplasia” and an appointment tomorrow to have a biopsy.  Normally that wouldn’t be such a horrible thing.  It’s what I’ve been dealing with since I was 20.  My cervix has been cryo’d, cauterized, and lasered pretty much to a fair-thee-well.  In fact, there’s so much scar tissue on my cervix from the procedures I’ve had done over the past 18 years that the OB that delivered my youngest was afraid that it wouldn’t dialate and I would end up having to have a c-section (ended up not being necessary, thank the gods).  Then, after 18 years of gynecological torture, I find out that my MOTHER had cervical cancer when I was little and I didn’t know because she never told us (we were too little to understand when it was happening, and then she “just forgot”!?!).  So I’ve had a family history and didn’t know it!  YAAAAAGH! 

I go tomorrow for the biopsy, and I plan on pretty much INSISTING that I have a hysterectomy.  I know that it won’t END my gynecological issues, nor my chances for cancer, but it WILL greatly reduce them.

The other medical issue I’m having is related to my bipolar disorder.  My meds, specifically my mood stabilizer: Lithium, aren’t working correctly anymore.  I’ve been having more manic episodes than normal.  Unfortunately, for me anyway, a manic episode is almost always followed by a period of severe (often suicidal) depression.  Add into that the fact that my doctor took me off of Klonopin (which I was taking to prevent panic attacks) because I was experiencing a “drugged” feeling and extreme fatigue (I literally could not get through the day without a nap), and so my panic attacks have returned.  Unfortunately, my doctor didn’t give me an Rx for PRN ANYTHING-for-panic-attacks, so when I have one it is pretty much uncontrolled and can take hours to get over.

And since I’m stressing to no end over the biopsy I’m scheduled for tomorrow, I’ve had several panic attacks in the past couple of weeks.  *sigh*  And I’ll probably have a pretty serious one tomorrow after my appointment because I won’t know anything for a couple of days until the results come back.  I don’t EVEN want to think about how bad of a panic attack I might have if I *do* have cervical cancer.  *bigger sigh*

So that’s why I’ve been kinda absent.  And why I may continue to be kinda absent for a little while longer.

Now you know.  =c/

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4 Responses to "Medical crap"

Oh my. I’m so sorry you have to be going through such shitty times. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, hoping everything works out for the best.

I’m not a frequent commenter, but I hope that everything turns out allright.

If it makes you feel any better, I had “abnormalities” on my last pap and it turned out that the pathology student viewing my sample was just an idiot. I will be hoping that it turns out the same for you. *virtual hugs*

thanks for you

Sounds like you are having a tough go of it. Sometimes life just plain sucks…and I am sorry it is not good for you right now. I would love to say something to make you feel better, but I don’t want to be cliche or trite. So, suffice it to say I will be thinking about you tomorrow…best of luck. And I will keep reading to see how you are doing.

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