Holding nothing back…

Archive for August 2008

Thankfully, the biopsy came back negative, so the cancer scare is over!  Because of my family history, we’ve decided that it’s in my best interest to go on and do a hysterectomy.  It is scheduled for Sept 10.  Just before my birthday.  Nice.

DH has vacation time available so he’s going to take a week off of work, and my Mom offered to come down and help if I need it.  At least I won’t be going through this alone!

Everyone tells me that recovery won’t be NEARLY as bad as you would usually expect for surgery, so I’m trying not to stress myself out over it.  Easier said than done some days, but I’m trying.


Ok, I’ve hinted that I’ve got some medical crap going on.  I guess it’s time to reveal it, because it is all I can think about for the past couple of weeks.

I went and had my yearly gynecological torture a couple of weeks ago (translation:  pap).  The results weren’t good.  I have “high level dysplasia” and an appointment tomorrow to have a biopsy.  Normally that wouldn’t be such a horrible thing.  It’s what I’ve been dealing with since I was 20.  My cervix has been cryo’d, cauterized, and lasered pretty much to a fair-thee-well.  In fact, there’s so much scar tissue on my cervix from the procedures I’ve had done over the past 18 years that the OB that delivered my youngest was afraid that it wouldn’t dialate and I would end up having to have a c-section (ended up not being necessary, thank the gods).  Then, after 18 years of gynecological torture, I find out that my MOTHER had cervical cancer when I was little and I didn’t know because she never told us (we were too little to understand when it was happening, and then she “just forgot”!?!).  So I’ve had a family history and didn’t know it!  YAAAAAGH! 

I go tomorrow for the biopsy, and I plan on pretty much INSISTING that I have a hysterectomy.  I know that it won’t END my gynecological issues, nor my chances for cancer, but it WILL greatly reduce them.

The other medical issue I’m having is related to my bipolar disorder.  My meds, specifically my mood stabilizer: Lithium, aren’t working correctly anymore.  I’ve been having more manic episodes than normal.  Unfortunately, for me anyway, a manic episode is almost always followed by a period of severe (often suicidal) depression.  Add into that the fact that my doctor took me off of Klonopin (which I was taking to prevent panic attacks) because I was experiencing a “drugged” feeling and extreme fatigue (I literally could not get through the day without a nap), and so my panic attacks have returned.  Unfortunately, my doctor didn’t give me an Rx for PRN ANYTHING-for-panic-attacks, so when I have one it is pretty much uncontrolled and can take hours to get over.

And since I’m stressing to no end over the biopsy I’m scheduled for tomorrow, I’ve had several panic attacks in the past couple of weeks.  *sigh*  And I’ll probably have a pretty serious one tomorrow after my appointment because I won’t know anything for a couple of days until the results come back.  I don’t EVEN want to think about how bad of a panic attack I might have if I *do* have cervical cancer.  *bigger sigh*

So that’s why I’ve been kinda absent.  And why I may continue to be kinda absent for a little while longer.

Now you know.  =c/

I know, I know.  My last TWO posts have been meme’s.  Things have just gone kinda nuts around here and I’ve not been able to concentrate on one thing long enough to make a post here. 

I’m trying to put together a post about some medical crap I have going on, but every time I sit down to do it, I just can’t make myself stick to it long enough to string together a coherent post.  Hopefully soon.  Maybe after my next Dr. appt. this coming Friday I’ll be able to think a little more clearly…

Anyway, here’s the meme, courtesy of BFD and several others:

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.
5. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.

1.  Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other?   Wouldn’t I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?  Congrats to Limor.  (The Breakfast Club)

2.  Eat your vegetables.  Don’t just push ’em around, eat ’em.  I ain’t playin’! 

3.  And you, my dear. What an unexpected pleasure. It’s so kind of you to want to visit me in my loneliness.

4.  I don’t like her. I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural.  Limor again!  You’re good girl.  =c)  (Steel Magnolias)

5.  This goes through armor. And through the victim, through the wall, through a tree outside…

6.  I’m very drunk and I intend on getting still drunker before this evening’s over.  Congrats to Annie McPhee!  (Gone With the Wind)

7.  I am sick to death of this whole center of the universe, holier than thou, nothing is ever enough. Oh, how I’ve suffered, nobody understands me. Somebody fix me a drink and hand me a Nebutol, worn out Scarlett O’Hara… thang!

8.  As I look around, I see a lot of celebrities among us. I see eleven Current Affairs, two Hard Copies and a genuine Geraldo interviewee.

9.  We can stay up late, watch Scary Movies, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!  Annie McPhee again!  (Shrek)

10.  You can’t force someone to fall in love with you but, you can definitely improve your odds.

11.  Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon.  Congrats to nuckingfutz!  (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

12.  The day they cut the football budget in this state, that will be the end of Western Civilization as we know it!

13.  Those that can’t do, teach, and those that can’t teach… teach gym.  Congrats to Integgy.  =c)  (School of Rock)

14.  Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill.  nuckingfutz again!  (Blade)

15.  In this life, you don’t have to prove nothin’ to nobody but yourself. And after what you’ve gone through, if you haven’t done that by now, it ain’t gonna never happen.


There we go.