Holding nothing back…

“Size Surfer Girl”???

Posted on: April 30, 2008

I normally don’t get all worked up about commercials for diet programs.  I *know* that they are designed to make people, women in particular, feel bad about their bodies so that they will pay for the services, prepackaged cardboard food, and various and sundry other bullshit products that they sell.  The latest one by Valerie Bertinelli for Jenny Craig just riled me up.  It also riled my 16-year-old (whose BullshitMI is 23*, or “normal” for the naysayers out there that say that because *I* qualify for “obese” under the BullshitMI that my daughter must also be obese), for all the same reasons.

The new commercial can be viewed here:  http://www.jennycraig.com/new_commercial

Here’s a transcript for those that just *don’t* want to view the commercial or give Jenny the clicks…

Valerie (walking on beach in rash shorts and rash shirt, carrying surfboard):  “I’ve lost 40 pounds on Jenny Craig and I’ve reached my ideal size!  Size Surfer Girl (giggle).  I can’t believe I’m surfing again!  Before Jenny I just didn’t think I could do it, but this is a program that I can stick to because I just love the food.  So here I am!  I may not be a ‘Size Gidget’ but I am a size Lovin’ Life!”

Random model-handsome surfer guy running into the water:  “Hey Val.”

Valerie:  “Hey!”  <runs towards water>

Valerie Voiceover (“footage” of Valerie on surfboard):  “Jenny helped me get my life, and my surfboard, back.”

(plug to “Call Jenny” here, fade to black)

First, I must admit that Valerie looks really cute.  But then, I thought she was cute when she still “needed to lose 40 pounds.” 

Now for the bad stuff: 

  • She’s reached her ideal size according to who?  According to her Jenny Craig “counselor”?  According to her agent?  According to Valerie’s doctor?  According to Valerie’s vision of how she “should” look?  According to Valerie’s BODY?  (Guess which one of those *I* think is important.  <grin>)
  • WTF is “Size Surfer Girl”??  Fat people can and DO surf.  I’ve seen them do it! (Videos of “fat surfers” embedded below.)
  • I’ve tried Jenny Craig (and Nutrisystem) in the past.  The food that Valerie professes to love, tastes like cardboard.  And it’s TINY.  To quote a commercial that makes me laugh, “It looks like ELF food!”  Seriously, I only had 30 pounds to lose at that time, and they had me on 1000 calories a day.  That’s a starvation level diet folks.
  • Now that Valerie is 40 pounds lighter she is “loving life.”  So, according to Jenny, anyone that “needs to lose weight” can’t be loving life?  WTF?  I have about 70 pounds Jenny would probably tell me that I “need” to lose.  I guess Jenny thinks I must be fucking miserable!
  • “Jenny helped me get my life, and my surfboard, back.”  Excuse the fuck out of me?!?!?  Valerie may have had no life when she was 40 pounds heavier (somehow I doubt that very seriously though), but I and all of the fat people I know have lives.  Those lives are full, fun, and fulfilling whether the individual living that life thinks they need to lose weight or not.  I, personally, have friends who think I am pretty damn wonderful thankyouverymuch, a husband of 18 years that loves me no matter *WHAT* my BullshitMI is, three children that I homeschool, I am on the board of our homeschool assocation, and that’s just the stuff that I do/take care of/love on a *daily*  basis.  I swim, walk, ride my bike, waterski, dance, love, and basically do whatever the hell I want to do, and I don’t let my weight stop me.  AAMOF, the only things I *don’t* do as an obese woman are things I didn’t do as a thin woman. 


Ok.  *whew*  Rant over.  I just really really really REALLY HATE the implication that even *mildly* overweight people have no life, or at least should FEEL like they have no life.  ::::deep breath lest I get back up on the soapbox::::

Now, for those “fat person surfing” videos I promised.  The first one is freakin’ AWESOME!!!


 For some reason, the second video isn’t embedding, but you can still see it by copying & pasting the url.  I’ll keep working on trying to get it fixed though…

* edited.  Originally read 28, because I was writing off the top of my head and didn’t pull up the BullshitMI chart like I normally do, and remembered the marks incorrectly.  DD is two points below “overweight”.  I know this because our doctor gives us crap about it, without taking into consideration that DD is VERY active in Karate and is very muscular.


5 Responses to "“Size Surfer Girl”???"

30 lousy pounds and she “felt like” she couldn’t surf? Why didn’t she just do it? Paparazzi? Well, I guess. It would have been good exercise too. What did she do, hide in her house to exercise until she was socially acceptable?

I was on Jenny Craig for some time (it didn’t work, despite lots of rigorous exercise and faithfully sticking to the diet.) But that was in like 1991 and the food was actually pretty good – there just wasn’t hardly any OF it. Nothing like enough. Plus it cost between 60-80 dollars a week AND you had to buy like 80 dollars worth more at the store. Totally out of my reach financially, though I did it anyway as long as I could. Except it, you know, didn’t work and I was hungry all the time and counted the minutes until I could eat again. So, total waste of time. They tried to blame the stairclimber (building muscle) or the salt for why I wasn’t losing. Yeah, right. Try yo-yo dieting for many years and tell me why another diet doesn’t work. No metabolism perhaps? Duh.

The whole thing makes me mad. The commercial. The premise. Why the hell couldn’t she just go fricking surfing, is she that vain? She wasn’t hardly even fat. Jeesh.

Then again Eddie Van Halen is the reason Mememememe Roth is obsessed with staying thin; so maybe he destroyed her self-confidence. Prick. He ain’t looking so good himself.

according to the BMI chart at 5’5” and 170lbs i am obese. I would love to learn to surf but i live in the midwest no oceans here.. im sure it takes strength and balance to surf. not necessarily a thin physique.. but I do have to say that “fat” guy isnt really surfing hes on a “simulator” and hes kneeling.. i wonder if hed fare so well in the ocean?

p.s. im really not all that fat… must have some muscles somewhere…

the bmi chart doesnt account for bone structure or muscle mass… saying im big boned feels like a cop out but stand me next to my “thin” friends and you can really tell that my structure is bigger than most of theirs….

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