Holding nothing back…

Manic again

Posted on: April 24, 2008

Oy vey.  Mania set in yesterday.  Not an unusual state of affairs for springtime.  Unfortunately, I’m making everyone around me crazy with my shifting moods (from ecstatic to infuriated to creative and back again) and my nonstop talking with the constantly changing topics, the web of which nobody but me can understand. 

In the past, I would have gone on a shopping spree, spent money we didn’t have to spend on things we didn’t need (or in some cases even WANT once the mania was over).  The worst it ever was, I took the kids to the mall on a Wednesday (you’ll find out how I know this much in a minute).  I had paid no bills yet, not ONE.  I hadn’t even bought groceries yet.  And I proceeded to purchase things with the debit card until it “quit running” (iow, there was no more money left in the account).  Then I started writing checks, because “it’s Wednesday and DH’s paycheck will be deposited on Friday, and these checks couldn’t possibly clear before then.”  Yes, I actually remember THINKING that!  Doesn’t make any sense to me now, well…  Today it does, but normally it doesn’t, but it sure as hell made sense then.  By the time we chased down every one of those checks, and paid the NSF fees (both to the bank AND to the stores), I had spent THREE WEEKS worth of paychecks.  And I hadn’t even paid our rent yet. 

I don’t do that anymore.  Mainly because DH and I have set things into place so that I *can’t*, but also because now that I know what is wrong with me (bipolar disorder) I can see it coming and find something else to do with that nervous, manic energy.

So yesterday I started spring cleaning.  I rearranged the living room, cleaned it from ceiling to floor.  I cleaned my sons room from ceiling to floor and rearranged it (mainly so that I could vaccum UNDER the furniture *sheesh*).  Today I did the girl’s room, the hallway, and the kitchen.  Ceiling to floor, under and around, moving stuff around.  Nobody knows where anything is anymore.  “c)  But me, anyway.  Tomorrow it’s DH’s and my bedroom and bathroom.  If I’m not at least STARTING to come down by then, I may just start on the garage! 

The kids are just trying to stay out of my way.  They know what this is, thankfully, even if they don’t understand all the mechanics of it, and they know to just “lay low.”  It’s not so much that I get ugly, as that I’m constantly on the move, gotta do something.  I feel like Cheese on Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends:  “Gotta go gotta go gotta go gotta go gotta go gotta go gotta go!”  I don’t know WHERE or WHY, I’ve just GOTTA GO!!!  And if they aren’t at least somewhat careful, they’ll get swept up in it and put to work with me, and they just can’t keep up with the manic energy that is fueling my nonstop motion and nonstop chatter.

DH came home, and within 45 minutes he had holed up in our bedroom because he just couldn’t handle it.  He’d had a really rough, exhausting day at work.  Coming home to a manic wife chattering his ear off who wouldn’t stay in one place for more than a few seconds was driving him up a wall.

What’s worse is that I didn’t sleep last night, and probably won’t tonight.  Insomnia is the biggest bitch kitty about mania for me.  After a night of laying in bed, listening to the buzzing in my head, tossing and turning, I was still so full of energy today that I couldn’t even stand to sit down to EAT!  And I’ll probably lay there and listen to the buzzing again tonight.  =c/


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