Holding nothing back…

900 calories a day?!?

Posted on: March 12, 2008

Ok, so I’m watching some reruns of Gene Simmons Family Jewels ‘cuz there was nothing else on, and Hey!  Gene and his crew are actually really funny! 

In this one episode, Shannon goes shopping and gets Gene a bunch of new shirts and stuff, and when she gets home and has Gene try them on, they are all too small.  So she decides that he needs to lose a little weight.  I won’t even get into the argument that the man is getting older and his metabolism is GOING to change, and he’s worked his butt off his entire life to make sure that he can afford the lifestyle he wants and why the heck CAN’T he relax and eat what he wants and what’s wrong with a few extra pounds at his age and, and, and, and…  I guess I can kinda see the train of thought:  Shannon is a former model (LOTS of issues with being/staying thin in that industry), Gene is a former rock star (some would argue that he’s still a rock star, whatev), they are still very much in the public eye, papparazzi, gossip rags, yada, yada, yada.  I’ll give her that it’s probably in their best interests to maintain at least a SEMI Hollywood ready physique…

So.  She decides to take Gene to this spa (I shan’t name it) slash weight-loss resort type place.  They weigh him in, do an actual body fat percentage (you know, with the calipers), and at this point I’m thinking “Cool!  This place actually GETS IT and is going to have him doing this sensibly!”  Oh, how WRONG I was.

Gene and Shannon go for their first meal, and Gene has next to NOTHING on his plate!  I mean NOTHING!  You know that commercial where they talk about this restaraunt (“You have to know somebody to get in…”) and when the food comes the guy comments that “It looks like elf food…”???  That’s what Gene’s plate looked like.  The food was almost nonexistant!  So Gene goes to talk to the chef and finds out that on the weight loss plan they have him on, he only gets 900 calories A DAY!  That’s IT! 

According to this caloric intake calculator, a 50-year-old male (Mr. Simmons was born in 1949, so he was actually closer to 58 when this particular episode was filmed) who is 6 feet tall (guesstimate, I don’t know his actual height), weighs 220 (the weight they showed for him on the show), and gets little or no exercise at all should be eating a BARE MINIMUM of 1760 calories a day!  Folks, that’s for EXTREME WEIGHT LOSS at the lowest activity level, and that means that the “spa” had him on an 860 calorie per day deficit!  For sensible weight loss at the lowest activity level (no exercise and a desk job), he needs 1822 calories per day which translates to the spa having him at almost a 1000 calorie a day deficit.  The diet the spa had him on was barely life-sustaining at a LOW activity level, and they had him exercising several times a day, so his caloric need was actually closer to 2619 per day for weight loss and 1964 for EXTREME WEIGHT LOSS.  No fucking wonder the man bribed someone to bring him a hamburger!

Now, I freely admit to being a fat chick and having a prejudice AGAINST diets after spending a lifetime on one diet or another, but *THIS* is just ridiculous!  Do skinny people actually EAT like this?  Do they actually expect the whole WORLD to eat like this?  Sorry.  Not this fat chick. 



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